You got movies from franchises that never quit, two movies based on TV shows, and a couple of remakes that were never meant to be seen. That’s what 2017 gave to us. A lot of great movies came out two years, but I still think back to the other movies that were released that year and think, “I saw those, and I walking out or pressing the stop button would’ve been the best choice”.
2017 wasn’t a good year in terms of the problems occurring with myself and the rest of the world, and viewing these 10 movies didn’t help at any matter.
Did I had the pleasure of watching The Emoji Movie, the one movie every single person dispised? Haha, nope. Most of these I already knew was not going to be great in the first place. The only reason I still check them out was that of my stupidity. Don’t we all.
Without further ado, here’s my throwback list of the Worst Movies of 2017 that made me pretty pissed off.
Dishonorable Mentions: The Book of Henry, Monster Trucks, Daddy’s Home 2, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, Bright, Rough Night, The Space Between Us, The Circle, The House, Suburbicon, The Great Wall, Snatched, The Dark Tower, The Hitman’s Bodyguard
10. ‘Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets‘ (Luc Besson)
Is it visually stunning? Yes, but that doesn’t make Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets good. This was one of those movies I didn’t wanna see at first, but my idiot self-decided to check it out because I was bored. Luc Besson’s big-budget sci-fi bomb lacked an interesting story and chemistry between Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevigne. Also, I predicted that this was gonna be the second movie to flop during the summer (the first being King Arthur). If this ends up becoming a cult favorite, someone’s gonna be pissed (i.e. me).
9. ‘The Mummy‘ (Alex Kurtzman)
It’s a real pain to have a Tom Cruise movie on any worst list, but the launch of Universal’s Dark Universe is definitely a high-octane failure. The Mummy was a reboot that was a pathetic setup to a shared cinematic universe that was already dead before it started. No scares, no enjoyment; just a massive waste of time.
8. ‘Geostorm‘ (Dean Devlin)
No expectations for Geostorm, and it still ended up making San Andreas look like A Beautiful Mind. Geostorm is such an idiotic disaster movie that took itself too seriously and marks another dud for Gerard Butler.
7. ‘xXx: The Return of Xander Cage‘ (D.J. Caruso)
Could’ve given xXx: The Return of Xander Cage a shot because the first movie is a real guilty pleasure of action movie. But this is a ridiculous sequel for a franchise that was already forgotten a decade ago that has a dumb plot and absurd action sequences. Stick to the Fast and Furious franchise, Diesel.
6. ‘Baywatch‘ (Seth Gordon)
It’s a shame that Baywatch is on here. I think a lot of people were really thinking this was going to be humorous. Though Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron brought some charisma into their roles, this was a painfully unfunny remake of the TV show that was trying so hard to be the next 21 Jump Street.
5. ‘The Snowman‘ (Tomas Alfredson)
The Snowman had the potential to be a great thriller. Instead, this was absolutely boring containing a hollow storyline that’s uninteresting and Michael Fassbender sleepwalking through his performance. A good looking movie, but a massive piece of crap.
4. ‘Flatliners‘ (Niels Arden Oplev)
Nobody wanted a remake of Flatliners in the first place. Wasted talents with an interesting premise, and it turned into an uninspired horror movie that makes the original a masterpiece. And why is Kiefer Sutherland in this when he’s not reprising his character?
3. ‘CHiPs‘ (Dax Shepard)
Just like Baywatch, CHiPs is completely humorless in its 100-minute runtime that’s supposed to make those familiar with the ’70s television show be happy. Once again, Dax Shepard proves he’s not funny, in my eyes, with bad, lazy writing, directing, and the nonexistent chemistry between him and Michael Peña. You just know it’s going to be horrible when the trailer indicates that fact wholeheartedly. Mr. Shepard, please stop directing, or just staring in comedies, in general.
2. ‘Fifty Shades Darker‘ (James Foley)
Fifty Shades Darker, the most unnecessary follow-up in the world, managed to make the abysmal first film great by comparison. Plaguing with the same problems like dreadful dialogue, the terrible chemistry between Jamie Doran and Dakota Johnson, and feeling like bad softcore porn. I feel bad for the group of people I love this series.
1. ‘Transformers: The Last Knight‘ (Michael Bay)
The more of these keep getting made, the more likely the world will get dumber. Transformers: The Last Knight still brings this unwanted franchise to a new low. I want to like them, but Michael Bay doesn’t listen to the audience and makes the same movie over again.
Following the incoherent action, awful attempts of humor, wasted talents, loud noises, an aspect ratio that gave me a headache, and a bloated running time, nobody should have fun with this “film”. Just like Revenge of the Fallen and Age of Extinction, this is the third time a Transformers movie made my number one on my worst list. The best thing about this is that it was the lowest-grossing out of the five. At least America did something right there.